Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
