I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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