seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Houston, we have a squirter
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
