So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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