Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
