He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
