Soap is not a condiment
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
