you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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