I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
