THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
