Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
