What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
