Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
where are my eyebrows?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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