I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
