The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
