they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize