she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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