I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
