the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
