these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need moral support for this bender
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
