i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its not stalking. its research.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
