I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
