I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
