Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
