Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
