I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize