After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
