maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
