No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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