I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
