i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
