Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
