At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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