Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
