i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
