my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Fuck appropriateness.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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