it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
