He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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