'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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