i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
