I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
