When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He felt like a one man threesome
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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