I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
