So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Randomize
