No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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