I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
