First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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