apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
