i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
