Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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