what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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