No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
