my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
