took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
4 words: hood of his car
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
