you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
