I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
