Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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