we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
