Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
