Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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