You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
