Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
