I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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