your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We left the knife in your bed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
