I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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