The maid of honor just puked.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
