I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
