now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
